Assignment 20 - Thomas Noll

How to: Pretend to be a convincing misogynistic man on stage

Being an asshole doesn't come naturally to all of us, but with four times of experience I can assure you these steps will get the job done should you ever be in a pinch!

1. Apologize in advance to all the girls in your cast. 
2. Slouch back when you walk, jaw forward, tilt your head slightly and act like you own the place.
3. Find a distinctly obnoxious costume piece (e.g. Suspenders, Cowboy hat).
4. Never make eye contact while female characters are speaking. This might create the illusion that you care about what they have to say. 
5. Put on a smug face whenever their dialogue challenges your world view or life plan.
6. Interrupt them mid-sentence to explain where they went wrong. Your lines are more important anyways.
7. Frequently put your hand on their shoulder or back, either to push them in a certain direction, or just because you feel like it. 
8. Raise your voice and boast about how desirable you are. Every lady here, and even a few of the guys, love you, even if they haven't realized it yet.
9. Make frequent references to previous romantic partners. 
10. Start to get emotional when your current partner starts to fight back, show your soft spot to make them feel bad for hurting you, then proceed to yell at them. 
11. Find at least one time in the script to put one of your legs (Only one) up on a chair or other elevated surface while talking.
12. Discard every prop you touch someplace random, so she has to follow you around cleaning up.
13. Finally, try not to let your new personality bleed into real life.

Congratulations! You've just transformed yourself one of the three shallow media portrayals of men (Besides the “big shot comedian” and “creepy gay friend”), that's one third of all acting roles you'll be sure to get!