Assignment 13 - Thomas Noll

Somebody once told me that the earth was flat. Of course, I immediately dismissed this idea as a conspiracy theory. Every child learns from a young age that the earth is a belated sphere, and that if you were to put it on a slanted surface, the world is gonna roll. Now me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed, so I contacted my friend Dr. Shores, a political science professor at Phoenix online University to see if she could break down why so many people believe in this insane myth. At first she was looking kind of dumbfounded when I pitched the statistic that only two thirds of millenials believe the earth is round. However, after sifting through pages of wikipedia articles, what we found was stunning. Shores was rubbing her temple with her finger and her thumb when our worst fears were confirmed. In hindsight it seems almost obvious, but the flat earth conspiracy was in fact made up by the government. No, don't be foolish, the earth is not flat, it is rather in fact in the shape of an "L"! That's right, the ground you are on right now is a giant cosmic boomerang. How else could earth rotate around the sun and always return to the same spot? The problem is, people have noticed something is off, intellectuals on the internet calculating that a spherical earth is in fact impossible. And so our corrupt politicians spread the flat earth lie through none other than Hillary Clinton herself. A gun on her forehead, she was forced to draft the conspiracy that would mislead these bright self-proclaimed physicists from determining the truth. But now the real facts are out, and it is our duty to spread this information before the government creates yet another lie.